So he tried to hide that he had relapsed, but by now I was an expert on drug addicts, or so I thought. Some of the stories and excuses he had, you wouldn’t believe. Including writing a budget down in “invisible ink” and insisting it could be read, as well as ten dollars magically flying out the window. Why did he not put all twenty into the gas tank? Well he insisted that you get better gas mileage if you put gas in ten dollars at a time. The ten dollars he had left flew out the window… Anyway, those stories are done being told because I am over the whole thing. I found more evidence of a relapse and finally came to my senses. I kicked him out. Sure I felt bad about it, and no I didn’t want it to come to that, but he wasn’t taking me seriously. I helped him even look for a place to room and insisted that if he could prove to me that he could support himself, we could continue to try to make the marriage work. I insisted that he and I could continue going on “dates” and possibly marriage counseling if he would be willing to go. I never got a call about either one.
The next time I saw him; he was living out of his car and pissing behind a dumpster. He was supposed to meet me at the bank at a specific time, and he showed up two hours late at the wrong place. Apparently “bank” sounds like “gas station”, especially if he was high. I needed the separation papers notarized and I insisted that he meet me the next day at the correct place and at the right time. He began to make it sound like he wasn’t going to do it unless there was something in it for him. I bought him a cold drink and some cigarettes and he seemed content with that. Finally a friend of mine was able to get him to sign the papers in front of a notary, because he would not meet me. I heard from him several times after that, few and far between.
I never got a call for a date or counseling, there was no signs of him recovering. After that it is a blur, I only communicated through his family to see how they were doing, seeing as they were great people and were not the ones who had wronged me. Who knows what he told them and if it was true or not. His family was enabling him, I knew it wasn’t intentional. Sometimes family has a hard time understanding that what they think is helping, is actually hurting a situation. I got a call randomly one day while at work. A lady from his doctor’s office called asking if I could come pick my husband up. When I asked why, she said he was “unstable” and had driven there from Wilmington on a suspended license. She explained that he had been pulled over on his way and ticketed, and upon continuation of his journey, parked in the middle of their parking lot (not in a spot). His Mom had given him money to go to the doctor by taxi. He apparently pocketed the money and decided to drive on a suspended license. I told them I would come get him, and then called back and said I was not coming; the ambulance or police would have to take him away. I wasn’t his saving grace, and I was not going to give him the wrong impression.
He used and abused his parent’s kindness so many times that it made me feel sick. I would sob on the phone with his Mother, just because I felt empathy for their hearts and the sadness they must feel. Some days she was on my side, some days she was so naive to his antics. He would ask them for money all the time, and lie to them and they believed him, because they wanted to believe him. I hope they heal in their own way, I know I am healing every day from being used up by him. They have been doing it for years, and I don’t know how they did it.
Recently I had gotten a call late one evening, from a fellow co-worker. He insisted that he and his wife had just seen my soontobeexhusband on the news. I lost my breath. “What for?” I asked. Apparently he tried to out run the cops when they arrived for a “intoxicated persons” call. Upon the chase, he acquired charges up the butt for speeding to evade failure to stop for siren and lights, amongst other traffic charges. Wait, there is more… He also had a drug called “Spice” in his car and drug paraphernalia, so there was a DWI. But wait, there is even more… He ran over two spike strips before his car was disabled and tried to run down an officer with his car… So now he is in jail, probably looking at a felony… and I am hoping no one bails him out because this might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the only way he will truly get better.
I pray for him and his family, and I do hope that he recovers from this horrible addiction. I am telling this story to help others. I wish I would have known my husband better before I married him, and I wish we would have went to counseling before it got as bad as it did. I don’t tell this to get pity or create hate, I tell it to share my learning experience. Perhaps this would help someone else who may be in or about to be in a situation like I was. I am closer to God and I am much happier, even though marriage isn’t all about happiness. It takes equal effort on both spouses part to make a marriage last and work I believe. I just have zero tolerance for drugs, and I did have faith in him, but not as my husband. I know that sounds bad, but I need a husband that serves the Lord before himself. He used to call me a bible thumper once I started getting closer to God and into church. What kind of husband does that? He was non-supportive, but I had to “Let go and Let God”. And that is what I did. I am so blessed and I am so thankful that I am safe, I continue to pray for him and his family. Love is the best medicine.
